reagan for president

contemplating hell and hand-baskets***

2011-03-31T14:20:00.003-06:00

The past few years people have said that this country has gone to hell in a hand-basket.

And who can blame them?

Raising SS benefits to 67? THE NERVE!
Now my whole life is screwed. I had big plans. BIG PLANS, I tell you.

While working in Vegas a few weeks ago (let's get this out here right now, that this was legitimate work in Vegas, nothing involving poles, or rhinestone studded pasties.) I got sucked into watching a PBS-athon featuring Suze Orman on my time off; mostly it was fascination over her giant white teeth, and perhaps the ever perplexing wonder if her giant gold earrings are in fact clip-ons.

But, she said some things that were really interesting...I mean I only caught part of the interest because I had no intention of ordering whatever she was selling to be completely interested; I'll live with the curiosity, and keep my money.

The gist:
I am never going to be able to retire.
Because I am wrapped up with the rest of the self entitled yuppie offspring from the 80's, who don't know how to spend or save money.

I had visions of me sitting on my old demi-wrinkled (thank you botox) bottom playing "air solitaire" (because it will have been invented by then) surrounded by my cats, my butler, maid, and pool boy, sipping virgin mojitos...

Now that vision is gone... It is gone because of people like Suze Orman and her realism.
Who charges money, to tell us how to save money. Does anyone else find this ironic?

I am already in hell...in a hand-basket.
(which I still have no clue to the meaning of this saying)

SOS SS

Yeah, I am blogging again***

2011-03-31T13:35:00.003-06:00

I don't want to do that awkward thing...that post...that explains why I haven't blogged in a while.
This is kind of like making up with an 'ex'...which I have never done...but if I had, this is the amount of awkward I would come to expect.

The blog and I are trying to rekindle our dysfunctional relationship...

moving on.

School***

2010-01-02T20:46:00.002-07:00

I am about to embark on my last semester as an undergraduate. Did it take me way too long? Yes. Should you stop being so judgy? Yes.

Anyhow...after spending a number (perhaps reflecting the national debt on school and text books) I am excited to not have anymore tuition, books, campus fees for breathing, etc. to pay for some time. And further more I feel like bragging-I have no student loans to pay off, because I worked my arse off to ensure I paid for my education in full, therefore the text book and tuition pirates can SUCK IT! :)

Next on my agenda is to pass this next semester with great grades so that some law school will take me more seriously. Fact: The better my GPA, the more I can suck it up on the LSAT. (Standardized tests and I have a rocky relationship) I have postponed the LSAT for October...My mind cannot handle school on top of LSAT prep, I am not Wonder Woman (minus my invisible plane of course).

Anyhow, in the meantime I will grin and juggle work, school, and all that jazz...
Wish me luck.

I'm sorry Mr. Jackson (oooooh...)***

2009-10-27T10:16:00.009-06:00

Things I never knew until watching this clip:
1. All Reverends are not Al Sharpton
2. All Reverend Jessie Jacksons are not Reverend Al Sharptons
3. All Journalists are idiots
4. All Teleprompter Script writers from this segment were fired
5. All is friggin hilarious...

Okay, but really...this clip gave me more joy than it should...
I know, I am weird.

Stay Sexy,
Reagan

Powerball Cold Open

2009-10-13T13:26:00.001-06:00

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Noble Nobel...

2009-10-09T18:11:00.003-06:00

You too can now get the Nobel Prize, with little to no effort!

It will cost you 1.3 trillion dollars though...(not of your own money of course, that would just be silly)

Is anyone else saying WTF? or is it JUST me?

ugh,
Reagan

Agenda According to Reagan...

2009-09-10T19:53:00.003-06:00

Notes:

1. All politicians are corrupt, the ones who say they aren't corrupt are likely more corrupt than the ones who admit that they are indeed corrupt.

2. Welfare should be for the poor, not the lazy who want to mooch their way through college so they don't have to get a real job- while the true poor suffer further and further out there in the 'real world'. You moochers are disgusting, dishonest pigs, and I have no nicer way of putting it.

3. LOVES that people who are still on their 'mommy and daddy's' health care plans (and are not paying a dime for it) are talking about health care reform. Get a job. Pay taxes. Pay for your own damn health care. THEN see how you feel.

4. Does indeed believe something needs to be done about health care. We live in one of the best countries in the world, yet the stratification of health care is sickening. HOWEVER why don't we think our plans through a little more? It seems like something that should be more thought out than a few months of self interest based tripe. BECAUSE, we are going to allow people (as in #2) to further become the mosquitoes of society. Congratulations America, we are about to breed a generation of con artists.

5. Politicians care about 2 things. Firstly, how many times their name appears in the newspaper throughout their political career. And secondly, that AFTER their political career they have drained enough out of the public with idiotic bills (that one has to be a good idea eventually), that they get a library erected in their name. Narcissism at it's finest folks.

6. Land of the Free?!? Why don't you ask our future generations that, when they're paying for surgeries, bills, bailouts, and bankruptcies that proceeded them by decades and decades because of us. What kind of future are we leaving our children?

7. Our President is not the adversary nor the savior, and people should stop treating him as either of the two. He is a man, susceptible to both good and bad opinions, decisions, and advisers. Either way, he IS our president. If he has a message for children to promote education, to stay in school, and to love learning- and they show that in schools, YOU should allow your children to listen to it without a permission slip. Eventually your children will grow up and have to think for themselves.

8. Hollywood. Get. Out. Of. Government. Here's an idea to Pitt, Jolie, and the rest of you. Take your 34 million dollar check on your next movie and give it to someone who needs it. Better yet, all you Hollywood snobs combine some money and help get the nation out of debt, considering WE PUBLIC are the one's who made you rich. You talk about taxes and reform, how much is it going to hurt you? With your private doctors and your private investors? No one cares, except 18 year old idiots who put more thought into the color of lip gloss they are going to wear on Friday.

9. Voting. There should be an exam to allow people to vote. I believe citizens of this country should know SOMETHING about government, policy, and democracy BEFORE they are allowed to touch the polls. Education is a tool that every person should have, yet most people could care less that they have. We should not vote on policies and people simply because they're cool, sound awesome, and allow us to be lazy. We are a generation of lemmings.

10. I am sick of feeling like a joke. I have been out of this beautiful country several times, when I return sometimes I feel like I am being kicked between the legs. Where is the country I used to be proud of? Where is the country that was once so self reliant, and not others reliant? I feel as though we are falling apart, and yet we are the "big brother" to so many others in the world. What we have, we are destroying. What was bad, is being made worse. We are a nation that gives hope to people, but I fear that hope is fading. "Give me your tired, your poor" should now read, "We have plenty of tired, and poor, stay where you're at."

AND that's all I have to say about that.

public enemy number one:

2009-05-14T13:15:00.012-06:00

Several of you public commoners, may already be all too aware of the latest public enemy. The disturbing thing about this enemy group is the fact that the members are so young; as to promote guerrilla war fare undoubtedly (not be confused with 'gorilla warfare' which is equally disturbing).
Our dear President and CBO (chief bailout officer) recently visited middle-school aged children at Maple Crest Middle School for what was supposed to be a 'pickup' game of basketball. Instead we were left with the above shocking footage, and even more shocking still shots from that footage below:
These anarchists posing as middle school children have really gone too far; especially the slightly overweight blonde child that insists on getting his hands on B.O.
("He was getting all up in his grill"-says chief s.a.p.y. correspondent)
Their lack of respect for the President, America, and the great game of pickup basketball are truly horrifying.

That is why I have put the children of Maple Crest Middle School on the top of my public enemy list. Perhaps we should re-look into strategizing children as our future, as so far they have done nothing but illegal blocks and technical fouls.

I regret to inform you commoners of this type of information, but it is just because I care so much.

Stay Sexy America.

president in training:
reagan

cup a' joe:

2009-05-05T15:29:00.020-06:00

The last few weeks have been horrific for the country, the epidemic of the Porky Influenza has reached rumored exponential amounts...quite possibly invoking the use of "many a cases"; a phrase that statistically means 'a lot of' in epidemic terminologies of old.

When faced with potential deaths; most importantly a decline in bacon sales, we elected officials have a duty to protect our public, inform the border control, and use tax payer dollars to enable media frenzy and public chaos.

My dear friend and colleague (and the most handsome devil on the hill) has recently undergone heavy scrutiny for his recent comments on the Today Show. I am absolutely appalled at the nasty media sludge that is being targeted his way.

In Joe's defense Matt Lauer is a terrible interviewer, he has infuriated a number of important icons, including Tom Cruise on the Today Show. Lauer has even tried to pick fights with me via mac book web cam on a number of occasions; his attempts thankfully thwarted due to web cam delay. Matt's questions are not only irrelevant, but show his lack of preparation for interviewing our tannest VP to date. Lauer's sheer hatred of all politicians and government is obviously at anarchical levels.

J.B. is right...I wouldn't get on a plane at all right now, nor would I advise my friends and family to sequester themselves amongst the snorting, squealing, infectious piglet masses. Our country needs to be on lock-down, this is for our own good.

In support, I am currently drafting a Bill that would allow all airlines the discrepant use of discriminant and prejudicial profiling to seek out potential carriers of this disease and rid them of their right to fly or use any and all means of public transit. I am also proposing that the use of Pig Latin be an illegality in all 50 states. The last part of the bill would be to remove any and all copies of Charlotte's Web from popular circulation amongst school boards and classrooms. I think that if we make these necessary changes our country will be back to normal within an estimated amount of time; meaning, days, months, and or years.

So to you public commoners I say, please give Joe a fair chance and understand where he is coming from. The airlines so up in arms over his comments should only blame themselves for allowing this disease into our country. And Lauer should stop picking on important people and start belittling religious figures instead. Let's see how the Pope handles a hard ball Matty, let's see.

Thank you again for listening to my rant, it is just because I care so much.

Stay Sexy America,

president in training: reagan

Christmas Shoes List***

2009-04-05T15:52:00.008-06:00

Sometimes I say the following phrases, "That is now on my 'Christmas Shoes List'." or "You are now on the top of my 'Christmas Shoes list'." often; yet seldom "You are no longer a contender on my 'Christmas Shoes list'."

apparently there is some confusion about this, so allow me to explain...

My 'Christmas Shoes list' is not a list one or something strives to be on, in fact it is the opposite. Avoid this list like the plague. Basically it is a list of pet peeves, or utter annoyances that frankly bother me to the core. Hence they go on a list...because I am neurotic. got it?

The list's name actually stems from a horrific song. Click here if you want to punish yourself; because you are a sadist or something. This poor excuse for a Christmas song is over played every year, and then the horrible souls in Hollywood decided to make it into a movie; thankfully I have never watched. It pretty much crushed my heart when I saw that my 80's movie crush Rob Lowe decided to lower his morals into doing it. 'St. Elmo's Fire' to 'Christmas Shoes'? Rob you are dead to me...

Moving on...I am a self proclaimed lifetime member of CACS, or "Crusaders Against Christmas Shoes", it is my own club (hence the lifetime membership). If I hear it played in a store, I either pretend vomit, or walk out of the store. If it is on the radio I will change the station. And if a co-worker or friend decides to sing it, I pretty much have warned them I will punch them. And I make good on my word.

So ergo was born the 'Christmas Shoes List', often times I add beastly people, or items that I frankly cannot stand. Just to keep them in order...again because I am neurotic.

Many of you might be saying..."Why Christmas Shoes Reagan? What did it ever do to you?"

1. First off, that song for far too many years has ruined my Christmas Cheer. I hear songs like 'Frosty the Snowman' and for a second remember Christmas as I did when I was a child, the glory. Then stupid 'Christmas Shoes' comes on and rips my heart out of my nose with a sharp pair of hot tweezers.
2. I don't like to be depressed around Christmas, and I don't think people such as the writer and composer of that song should make money off of depressing people during Christmas. It isn't right.
3. I also notice that anytime I am at a function during the holidays they play that song right before they ask for donations...I hate to be classically conditioned. I am not a rat. And guilt trips are on my 'Christmas Shoes List'.
4. The spirit of Christmas is about giving and charity...not charitably giving people guilt so they want to slit their wrists around the holidays.
5. There are too many questions. Are you even allowed to take shoes to heaven? Do we know if this kid is even real? How do we know he wasn't some child criminal pretending to have a dying mother? Where is this child's father, why can't he 'man up' and go get his wife some decent shoes? Jon better bury me with my favorite BCBG yellow and black peep toe sling backs...that's all I am saying.

So there you have it. Please don't defend the movie or the song, or I will put you on my list. It's not because I am heartless, or mean, or that I hate child beggers. And if you think I am joking, I actually have this list...for the last time because I am neurotic and I can.

There you have it...

Republicrats and Demoblicans, Party Lesson 101...

2008-10-16T13:50:00.009-06:00

Dear Voters,
When registering to Vote you may have noticed the annoying little box pertaining to what 'Party' you affiliate yourself with. Being extremely-somewhat-self-home-schooled in this matter, allow me to clarify:

Republicans-
The party with money that still can't afford to give Bush Literacy Lessons. Current Employer of the Austrian 'Governator' who coined the term 'Girlie-men'; who continues to use term in official speeches. Believes in bearing arms, shooting arms, and occasionally your friends when you are on hunting vacations-then playing it off as an 'accidental incident'. Denies Gay Marriage for fear of gay married people uniting and redecorating the White House, while being medically insured to do so on their spouse's insurance plans. Believes like Polar Bears, Al Gore will go away if we can emit more CFC's into the atmosphere. Party that does not believe in soliciting help from attractive celebrities that have done any recent work in the last 15-80 years for campaigning.

Democrats-
Party Mascot-Ass; need I say more? The party who robs from the rich to give to the poor, who then go out and buy crack cocaine from our foreign 'bestie' Cuba. Believes in aborting fetus's before they can grow up to register as Republicans. Party that supports Hermaphrodites and Trannies ie: Hilary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Michelle Obama, and possibly John Edwards. Party who will lie under oath about 'relations' that 'did not happen depending on your definition of "relations"' in the Oval Office with overweight interns in blue dresses; needless to say the public school system failed them-which is of course fault of the Republicans for in fact 'Leaving Children Behind'.

Independant and Green- Eh, don't worry what they believe...they never win.

So there you have it. I hope I clarified things a little more for you all. If you are still confused just remember Republicrats and Demoblicans may be very different at times...but one thing remains the same, They all will always be blowing smoke up our bums.

It's the American Way...

To Vote or Not to Vote...

2008-10-07T14:27:00.009-06:00

So here is the cheese...
I so don't want to vote.

McCain and Palin-
Old guy and Tina Fey-look-alike.

McCain creeps me out, and frankly looks like someone who would kick his dog. I get that he is a war hero, many kudos to that and I shant take that away from him-but isn't that all the more reason to think that he might snap and one day nuke Arkansas? (which wouldn't be missed, let's face it) And, I don't believe him all of the way; I think he totally did grass once upon a time. He also has a possibly Indian daughter, who he never mentions...I don't dig being ashamed of your children, be they illegitimate embarrassments or adopted embarrassments. One of his sons is kind of hot, I possibly dig him.

Sara looks like that sexy English teacher I never had, that morphs into a White-Snake video in the 80's on top of a classic vintage auto. I get that she is a mom to many, but I would like to know if her tubes have been tied or if we shall expect a pregnant woman in the office? Because pregnant women are sometimes unstable and have hormones that tell them to kill; and McCain probably wouldn't take much convincing...then BAM there goes Iowa (which again wouldn't be missed). I also don't trust her judgement because she names her children odd names. She and Obama's momma need to get together and take a class on 'how not to get your kid beat up at school because of their name'.

Obama and Bidin-
The Cool kid in school, and the nerd who won't leave him alone

Obama Hussein? His mother obviously didn't plan for his future career in politics like my mother did; not his fault, but he could have changed out the Hussein part. His wife has a slightly lazy eye, which makes her hard for me to watch. I don't know if I can handle her giving speeches to school children and scaring them for the next 4-8 years, and ending up with another Edgar Allen Poe incident. O' man also acts like he is friends with Hil-Who frankly has no soul...and possibly is related to Beelzebub. Also the Rev Jackson, and Sharpton adore him, and if he thinks they are okay then he is obviously not mentally capable of living in a house with the title 'white'-and I do not believe in renaming historic monuments for Reverends with no congregations. Also sometimes I think he is run by Oprah, who also has no soul...and I might be dead tomorrow for saying that.

Joe, Joe, Joe...He and Nancy P totally have something going on...I know it. I can tell by those rare opportunity eye shifting glances on CSPAN. Also Joe might be friends with John Edwards, who is just plain stupid, and may have something going on with Hil's son-daughter Chelsie, who is related to Hilary, who as mentioned above is related to someone in Hell. Also he acts like he is friends with everyone, when you know that he was that one goober in high school who no one talked to until the cool black kid said it was okay to like him. Joe it totally riding on Obama's coat tails. In 4-8 years he will do some documentary that will win him a lame Nobel prize; I don't like over-achievers.

So there we have it....decisions, decisions.

If I vote McCain-Tina Fey-Palin- I get celebs like:
Dean Cain
James Caan
Jon Voight
Robert Davi
Lou Ferrigno
Adam Carolla
Lacy Chabert
Angie Harmon
Victoria Jackson
Gerald McRaney
Jon Cryer
Lorenzo Lamas
Kevin Sorbo
Patricia Heaton
George Newbern
Robert Duvall
Jerry Bruckheimer
Heidi Montag (gag me...like she even knows what voting is)

BLAH...
And Obama has everyone else cool in Hollywood...

I guess the real question is this:
Do I vote for who everyone else thinks is cool and be a 'sheep' and jump off the cliff? (sorry, but half of the voters are doing it cause it's 'popular'-grow up maybe?)
or
Do I go against the norm and take the odds that my candidate won't be hooked to a catheter in 2 years? (Make my NRA lovin' ancestors proud)

EH...

I think I will just write in my own name. Plus if the economy isn't fixed soon and they raise our taxes, I will go all 'Boston Tea Party' on this country and place feces in some Starbucks coffee bins that are headed for DC.

This possibly could be the year for Ross Perot and the Green Party.

PEROT 08'!

EH....

Let me be your Rock of Love....

2008-01-29T12:28:00.002-07:00

Ok, so Guilty pleasure number 2 time!

Seriously you people probably think I watch the most horrible shows on TV, and I do. no judging.

Well this guilty pleasure actually came about last year...Brett Michaels (yummdelicious) decides to host a dating reality show called ROCK OF LOVE....pure brilliance. I watched every week with enthuse. So when the finally came up and Jess (the girl I loved for him, but she just wasn't feeling him back in the end) didn't go with him I knew deep down there would be a season 2. And I was right! Be it my intuition or the fact that VH1 milks all of these dating shows: Flavor of Love, I Love New York, etc.

Well thus far Season 2 has NOT and I repeat has NOT disappointed. Although I am not sure if I have found a girl to root for (last year as I mentioned it was Jess) I also think that the girls are a lot prettier on this season....especially since Bret kicked off this french chick named Angelique....she looked like a mannish blow fish...no lie....anywho...

I like this show, and I am going to plug my dear friend Kira Joy, because she too likes this show. We are Kindred for Bret....she even went to his concert...(I saw her pics on Facebook) and I don't care what anyone says Bret is hot! I don't care, don't try to tell me otherwise you boogers.

False: Truths: and NOT's

2007-08-16T11:00:00.002-06:00

I am having one of those days. One of those bitter “I am pissed at the world so watch out” sort of days. I mean, not that I care or anything.

So something BIG is going on in my life right now and the people I have come to rely on use this item to their advantage. (To get off work, to display in the family gossip circle, to get sympathy when they aren’t even the ones going through it.)

My mom always told me that friends weren’t the ones that would be there for me; that family would always be there for me and that friends would come and go. FALSE
It seems that sometimes family can hurt you more than friends ever would. You see family knows your vulnerability and weaknesses, they know you inside and out. So when they want to hurt you they can very deeply; even if they aren’t meaning to.
TRUTH: The people that have been there for me lately are the people who shouldn’t have to care but just do, the people that ask me how I am doing not because they are obligated to but because they actually DO care. And here is a HINT: none of them are family.
So here is my list of NOT’s-sometimes I think people may need a reminder.

I am NOT your content of conversation with ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME.
I am NOT to be enrolled as the topic of gossip in the family circle.
I am NOT your excuse to leave from work so that you can be with me; when in reality you go off and do other things and aren’t with me at all.
I am NOT your case of charity or sympathy work; I am not in such a sad state where you are being a Good Samaritan, if you feel obligated it isn’t sincere.
I am NOT comfortable talking about it with EVERYONE, so please don’t share it.
I do NOT need to be babied. I am not so fragile.
I do NOT need to hear your “Sorry’s”. If you are sorry, I know and you do not need to say it over and over and over and over and over and over and over…got the picture?
I am NOT dead, dying, or on the brink of anything remotely like it, so quit treating me as such.
I do NOT like crying in front of people, so please don’t bring it up in public.
I am NOT your business, my life is NOT your business, and my health is NOT your business unless I say otherwise.