public enemy number one:

Several of you public commoners, may already be all too aware of the latest public enemy. The disturbing thing about this enemy group is the fact that the members are so young; as to promote guerrilla war fare undoubtedly (not be confused with 'gorilla warfare' which is equally disturbing).
Our dear President and CBO (chief bailout officer) recently visited middle-school aged children at Maple Crest Middle School for what was supposed to be a 'pickup' game of basketball. Instead we were left with the above shocking footage, and even more shocking still shots from that footage below:
These anarchists posing as middle school children have really gone too far; especially the slightly overweight blonde child that insists on getting his hands on B.O.
("He was getting all up in his grill"-says chief s.a.p.y. correspondent)
Their lack of respect for the President, America, and the great game of pickup basketball are truly horrifying.

That is why I have put the children of Maple Crest Middle School on the top of my public enemy list. Perhaps we should re-look into strategizing children as our future, as so far they have done nothing but illegal blocks and technical fouls.

I regret to inform you commoners of this type of information, but it is just because I care so much.

Stay Sexy America.

president in training:
reagan

cup a' joe:

The last few weeks have been horrific for the country, the epidemic of the Porky Influenza has reached rumored exponential amounts...quite possibly invoking the use of "many a cases"; a phrase that statistically means 'a lot of' in epidemic terminologies of old.

When faced with potential deaths; most importantly a decline in bacon sales, we elected officials have a duty to protect our public, inform the border control, and use tax payer dollars to enable media frenzy and public chaos.

My dear friend and colleague (and the most handsome devil on the hill) has recently undergone heavy scrutiny for his recent comments on the Today Show. I am absolutely appalled at the nasty media sludge that is being targeted his way.

In Joe's defense Matt Lauer is a terrible interviewer, he has infuriated a number of important icons, including Tom Cruise on the Today Show. Lauer has even tried to pick fights with me via mac book web cam on a number of occasions; his attempts thankfully thwarted due to web cam delay. Matt's questions are not only irrelevant, but show his lack of preparation for interviewing our tannest VP to date. Lauer's sheer hatred of all politicians and government is obviously at anarchical levels.

J.B. is right...I wouldn't get on a plane at all right now, nor would I advise my friends and family to sequester themselves amongst the snorting, squealing, infectious piglet masses. Our country needs to be on lock-down, this is for our own good.

In support, I am currently drafting a Bill that would allow all airlines the discrepant use of discriminant and prejudicial profiling to seek out potential carriers of this disease and rid them of their right to fly or use any and all means of public transit. I am also proposing that the use of Pig Latin be an illegality in all 50 states. The last part of the bill would be to remove any and all copies of Charlotte's Web from popular circulation amongst school boards and classrooms. I think that if we make these necessary changes our country will be back to normal within an estimated amount of time; meaning, days, months, and or years.

So to you public commoners I say, please give Joe a fair chance and understand where he is coming from. The airlines so up in arms over his comments should only blame themselves for allowing this disease into our country. And Lauer should stop picking on important people and start belittling religious figures instead. Let's see how the Pope handles a hard ball Matty, let's see.

Thank you again for listening to my rant, it is just because I care so much.

Stay Sexy America,

president in training: reagan