Sunday, April 5, 2009

Christmas Shoes List***

Sometimes I say the following phrases, "That is now on my 'Christmas Shoes List'." or "You are now on the top of my 'Christmas Shoes list'." often; yet seldom "You are no longer a contender on my 'Christmas Shoes list'."

apparently there is some confusion about this, so allow me to explain...

My 'Christmas Shoes list' is not a list one or something strives to be on, in fact it is the opposite. Avoid this list like the plague. Basically it is a list of pet peeves, or utter annoyances that frankly bother me to the core. Hence they go on a list...because I am neurotic. got it?

The list's name actually stems from a horrific song. Click here if you want to punish yourself; because you are a sadist or something. This poor excuse for a Christmas song is over played every year, and then the horrible souls in Hollywood decided to make it into a movie; thankfully I have never watched. It pretty much crushed my heart when I saw that my 80's movie crush Rob Lowe decided to lower his morals into doing it. 'St. Elmo's Fire' to 'Christmas Shoes'? Rob you are dead to me...

Moving on...I am a self proclaimed lifetime member of CACS, or "Crusaders Against Christmas Shoes", it is my own club (hence the lifetime membership). If I hear it played in a store, I either pretend vomit, or walk out of the store. If it is on the radio I will change the station. And if a co-worker or friend decides to sing it, I pretty much have warned them I will punch them. And I make good on my word.

So ergo was born the 'Christmas Shoes List', often times I add beastly people, or items that I frankly cannot stand. Just to keep them in order...again because I am neurotic.

Many of you might be saying..."Why Christmas Shoes Reagan? What did it ever do to you?"

1. First off, that song for far too many years has ruined my Christmas Cheer. I hear songs like 'Frosty the Snowman' and for a second remember Christmas as I did when I was a child, the glory. Then stupid 'Christmas Shoes' comes on and rips my heart out of my nose with a sharp pair of hot tweezers.
2. I don't like to be depressed around Christmas, and I don't think people such as the writer and composer of that song should make money off of depressing people during Christmas. It isn't right.
3. I also notice that anytime I am at a function during the holidays they play that song right before they ask for donations...I hate to be classically conditioned. I am not a rat. And guilt trips are on my 'Christmas Shoes List'.
4. The spirit of Christmas is about giving and charity...not charitably giving people guilt so they want to slit their wrists around the holidays.
5. There are too many questions. Are you even allowed to take shoes to heaven? Do we know if this kid is even real? How do we know he wasn't some child criminal pretending to have a dying mother? Where is this child's father, why can't he 'man up' and go get his wife some decent shoes? Jon better bury me with my favorite BCBG yellow and black peep toe sling backs...that's all I am saying.

So there you have it. Please don't defend the movie or the song, or I will put you on my list. It's not because I am heartless, or mean, or that I hate child beggers. And if you think I am joking, I actually have this list...for the last time because I am neurotic and I can.

There you have it...


Lacking Productivity said...

Again...we are so kindred!


Don't we celebrate Christmas to NOT have the feelings this song gives you?

So here is my Christmas shoes story.

So had just started dating Paul, and we were driving at Christmas time and THAT song comes on the radio. I proceed to tell him how much I LOATHE that song. He had never heard it, so I left it on the radio just so he could experience the sheer insanity of it all, at least until the vomit started coming up in my throat.

Naturally, I could not allow him to listen to the song without my commentary. "It is ridiculous," I tell him. "It is annoying and depressing. I hate the kid voice. I hate kids singing in general. And whose mom dies on Christmas Day? Seriously? It's Christmas. That just doesn't happen. And if it does, I don't want to think about it."

Paul interrupted my ranting, with this little truth bomb. "My mom died on Christmas morning."


I still hate the song because it is horrific, but now it has the added sting of the #1 time I put my foot in my mouth.

Lacking Productivity said...

PS: I was hoping this post was a list of shoes you want...I was excited to see some pics of some nice kicks.

Stephanie said...

Can I please have a lifetime membership to CACS I promise I wont sing it anymore, Your raised fist has scared me. Good thing we have that half wall to protect me.

Reagan said...

you are soooo a member.
And Kira, that is sooooooo sad. terrible song. terrrrible. horrrrible. with multiple rrrr's

Kat said...

It is bad to begin with, but when you add the children singing....I can't even finish, it's so horrible.

Rebecca said...

Reagan, I too was thinking this was a list of shoes you wanted for Christmas, but this little rant was SO much more entertaining.

Know that you have another member of CACS, if you'll have me.

I also dislike the Christmas Shoes song very much. And I'd like to add to the list of disliked depressing-songs-sung-by-children-that-are-played-on-the-radio-at Christmas-time "Dear Mr. Jesus." If you don't know this song youtube it. If you can stomach the awfulness long enough to listen, I promise, you'll love to hate it.

Stephanie said...

Dear Mr. Jesus a very very close second... only a smidgen away. What a horrible horrible song.

Reagan said...

Rebecca, that song was HORRIBLE! Oh I cannot even fathom! Stupid childrens choirs and little kid singing with a lisp. that was pretty much horrific too. ugh.

Reagan said...

However, I don't think 'Crusaders Against Dear Mr. Jesus' is too appropriate...but still BAD song.